Scot was trying to explain vagimetrics to me.
But he kept getting his vagibits and vagibytes mixed up.

Joey was in florida

should i be smoking more?

my father

Are you steve jobs

I miss you. Make your paper boo boo.

My roommate said the only way to go to heaven is to be dunked in water

Whistling during a poop is done by men who have a Genius IQ. So, by that logic, good job Scott in achieving your genius. Haters just hate to hate.

Scott is so dumb he has to whistle when he takes a shit so he knows which end to wipe.

I wish web hosts would stop selling unlimited plans that have 20 mysql concurrent connection limitations.

waitin' for the postman. gots me a beer on my left and 12-gauge as company. he's been sleepin' with mah wife.

People who say coding in a language that is not "a company approved language" to shut down your ideas and then go build shit in another non-sanctioned language. Basically, I fucking hate hypocrites. Go find cave and make it your home. Thanks.

It is said that a falutin count of 180 or more is considered highfalutin.

Dear Diary,

Thank you for listening.

Sincerely,
The One

Dear Mother,
It is with great effort, and stern determination that I managed to overcome my distaste for the elderly.
Therefore you may ignore my previous statements to the contrary and sup with me in my home in a fortnight.

Scott?
He's as dangerous as a bowl of hot soup on a tall bamboo credenza in earth quake country.

I woke up this morning wondering where my boxers went. I just realized Scott took them from me to give away to some lucky sucker... Grrr. That's a solid $1.50 lost.

The dead leaves are looking perky today. I think there's still hope for them.

Scott went on a camping trip with his group over the Thanksgiving holiday.
He won the merit badge for the soggiest sleeping bag.

He was so proud that he won something that he even wore it his pajamas.

Q - Would you like some of my bacon?
A - I reckon I would.
Q - Well tomorrow I'll shit it out by the oak tree and you can help yourself to it then.